Bad Influence

What kind of mother am I? I took my kids to a bar one spring morning.  It wasn't even noon, and we were whooping it up in a small, stale-cigarette-smelling-old-German-man-bar.  Except that the Germans don't say the word bar, they say pub - apparently, bar means strip club, my husband (an MP), once informed me.  Although, there WAS, some table dancing, going on, and I am embarrassed proud to say, that both of my boys put on a fine show for the barmaid.  They remained standing on their chairs, shaking their stuff,  rather than on top of the tables, and no tips were exchanged...

F.M. Doing what he does best...Table Dancing.

We were quite the spectacle...double stroller and all.  At a certain point, A.M.'s shirt came off, (surprise), and I thought one of the Herren was going to have a heart attack. There were weiswurst (white sausages), soft-pretzels, french fries, loud music, coca-cola, and apple spritzers.  A.M. wanted chips, that is where I drew the line, "No potatoe crisps for breakfast".

F.M. was trying to give one of the old men some pointers, on the lotto slot machine that he was playing...the man was trying to give him a sip of beer in exchange.  A.M. managed to dismantle a set of blinds, and all ashtrays and candles were removed from the tables, so that F.M. would stop using them as percussion instruments.  A.M. spotted a fake, mounted deer's head on the wall, and proudly stated, "Mommy, look at the puppy".  Everything my boys did seemed to amuse the Frau of the house.  She spoke excellent English, and told me that she couldn't even imagine a life with so much ACTION in it, all day long, everyday...her exact words...my exact life, in a nutshell. 

I didn't understand a lick of what any of the 5 old men were chuckling about, but I think it is fairly safe to assume that the toddler set are not regulars at this hole-in-the-wall-bier-joint.  I wished that I had brought my camera, because A.M., demanded to sit at his own table, (already embarrassed by being with his Mom, I suppose), was a real hoot drinking Apfel Schorle out of a large glass, (no sippy cups available), without spilling.  He liked it so much, that he wanted to take the half-full glass and the soggy paper coaster, home to his haus.  One of my little cleptomaniacs managed to pilfer a set of forged, rather rustic and heavy, cutlery into the diaper bag.  This was not discovered until we arrived at home.  I thought about keeping it as a funny souvenir, or for Hubby to use at work...but then that would be stealing, and what would I be teaching my children?  Taking them to a bar is one thing, swiping silverware is quite another!

At this point in the story, you may be wondering why, exactly, I took them to this watering hole in the first place.  It's down the street from the Auspuff Stein, (mechanic), and we had a 3 hour wait, and their lobby had a lit fireplace, and a pond...yes, a pond, in it.  I figured the bar was the safer option of the two, considering A.M. came dangerously close to falling in/jumping in, to their rather large OUTDOOR pond.  I was busy fiddling with something when the receptionist pointed that out to me.  "Danke", I replied, "I really don't feel like fishing him out of the freezing cold water", "NOR I", stated the Frau.  Much to my dismay, my boys are always flirting with disaster.  Keeps it real I suppose.

We wrapped things up at the pub, and I made sure to leave an abundant tip.  We did drive back a few days later to return the stolen goods.  They were not open, so I "planted" the knife and fork upright in the flower box, perched on the window sill, directly next to the door.  I figured that might add a little spice or bewilderment, to someone's morning, upon opening the joint.  Similar to the morning a mutter (mother)brought her 2 kinder in for some softdrinks and sausages!